books | favorites+movie adaptations

So I realized that I've never talked on here about all the books I read! I just recently got in to young adult novels a little over a year ago (is that even recent? who knows) when I was introduced (via this post) to The Fault in Our Stars and John Green. Little did I know that in the next year I would read a total of over 20 books or that TFiOS would be the start of my John Green obsession. I figured that since I love reading I might as well share my favorite books with you all! And it just so happens that all my faves are begin turned into movies (+ a tv show) within the next few years, so I'll talk about that too!

1.) The Fault in Our Stars, John Green -- I love love love this book, I read it shortly after it came out and since then I may have developed an obsession with him, but you know, it's casual. This is my favorite of his books, and it is just so beautifully written and I love both of the main characters. The one thing I don't like about this book is that it has become waaaaay over publicized and it is literally everywhere. I'm not too keen on a movie for this book either just because I feel like the writing style is just so good and that's part of what makes TFiOS such a good book. Also Shailene Woodley has been cast as Hazel (one of the main characters/the narrator) and I really really really don't like that, I don't know she's just not how I pictured Hazel at all! I'm interested in seeing how the movie will turn out, but I definitely think that the book will be better (as they always are)! 

2.) The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald -- Okay so Gatsby was actually a book that I read for school, but I just loved it so much! I liked this book in a way that I have never liked any other book from school, and I actually just read the whole book in one sitting (and then had no english homework for like two weeks, ha!) I got so into it. I am super super excited for this movie, which comes out on May 10 in the United States, I literally cannot wait! The costuming + set + videography just look absolutely amazing! I love how Gatsby is a classic read but still so relevant and not at all hard to read! 

3.) The Delirium Trilogy, Lauren Oliver -- These books were recommended to me by a friend, and I am so incredibly glad that she recommended them for me to read, they are amazing! These books are set in somewhat of an alternate present where love is treated like a disease, which I thought was a super interesting premise for a book! I really fell in love with the love interest of the main character, and I literally found it impossible to put these books down (but then again, I read most books within a days time..). The ending of the last book was a complete cliffhanger that made me seriously wish that there would be more books coming out, but sadly there are only three. Delirium is being turned into a tv show (on fox I think?) and I believe that they just started filming! I don't know how I feel about the casting/plot because they changed a lot of things but we'll see! 

4.) The Insurgent Trilogy, Veronica Roth -- These books were also recommended to me by a friend and they were definitely another good recommendation! These books are set in a sort of post apocalyptic setting where everyone is divided up into five "factions" based on their personalities, I'm not going to say much more because I don't want to spoil anything but I will say that there is a relationship that literally melts my heart because I am (again) in love with the love interest of the main character. I am super excited for the third book which comes out in October this year and the movie which comes out spring 2014! Shailene Woodley plays the main character (not too pleased about that) but I think that the movie has a lot of potential to be good! 

5.) The Host, Stephanie Meyer -- Okay, I do not like vampires and I most certainly never was in to the whole Twilight saga, but I think it dumb to not read a book because of the author and I'm really glad I read this. This book is sci-fi and romance and it has the perfect mix of both. There's a love square (?) and it's just very complicated to explain, so you all should read the book! It's quite long (600+ pages) but I found that after the first 100 pages it went really quick and I finished it within two days! The movie comes out March 29 (Friday)! I am so excited to see it, I love the cast (Saiorse Ronan + Jake Abel + Max Irons + Diane Kruger, um yes!) and from all the trailers it looks like it will be amazing! 

So those are some of my favorite books currently and I wish I could tell you about every book on my bookshelf, but that would take me ages! I strongly suggest that you read one/some/all of these books! And if you've already read any of these books tell me in the comments what you thought! 

life | anxiety + ocd

This post is a hard one to write. I've been mentally "writing" it for ages, but I just could never find the words. I've deleted many drafts and rewritten many sentences. I've let it sit in my drafts for ages.  I wasn't sure for a while if I even wanted to talk about all of this stuff that so many of the people in my life don't even know about. Why I chose to write about things I haven't even told to my friends, to strangers on the internet, I don't know. But I guess this blog is a diary of sorts, and I want to be real. I feel like so many people hide behind the screen making it seem like their life is all fun and happy when in reality it's not. I don't want to be one of those people. That's why today I want to talk about my mental disorders and life with them. I'm not doing this for pity, I'm not doing this for attention, I'm not insane. I'm not doing this because of any of those things, but I'm doing this because I hope that my story can help others because other's stories have helped me. Even if I make just one person feel like they're not alone, that will be a success.

At around age six or seven I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety (GAD) and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). For those of you who don't know what either of those mean I found some definitions online:

"Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by chronic feelings of excessive worry and anxiety without a specific cause. Individuals with generalized anxiety disorder often feel on edge, tense, and jittery. Someone with generalized anxiety disorder may worry about minor things, daily events, or the future. These feelings are accompanied by physical complaints such as elevated blood pressure, increased heart rate, muscle tension, sweating, and shaking."

"Obsessive compulsive disorder is characterized by persistent, intrusive, and senseless thoughts (obsessions) or compulsions to perform repetitive behaviors that interfere with normal functioning."

I can't remember a time without anxiety. As sad as that sounds it's true. GAD is just anxiety about everything. OCD is more specific, my OCD revolves around a specific phobia of throwing up (emetphopia). To me throwing up is the worst thing that could ever happen to me and in my mind it seems completely justifiable to do anything that will prevent me from throwing up. 

I'm not going to sugar coat it, GAD and OCD suck. I have constant anxiety throughout the day and I get horrible stomachaches and headaches because of it. There are days that I don't want to get out of bed because I am so exhausted from all the worry. There are times where I will stay home instead of hanging out with friends because I have a bad stomach ache. It's all in my head, but it's all so real. That's the thing about mental disorders, it's in your head so most of the time others just can't understand.

No, I can't "snap out of it". I can't "become less OCD". I can't just "calm down". It's not that easy. I know I will be "made fun of for the rest of my life if I stay this way".  I sometimes wish that people could get inside my mind and realize that I did not choose to be this way, that I'm not having a panic attack to get attention. I don't get any joy from this, actually when I'm having a panic attack I'd rather just be left alone and not told to "stop freaking out", newsflash: you're not helping. Mental disorders are real, they're not made up, my stomachaches and headaches and fear aren't any less real than if they weren't anxiety induced.

I guess I've learned over the years how to deal with all this. More or less. I mean I'm better than when I was 7. I'll always be learning how to handle all the anxiety as it manifests itself in different ways as I get older. There will always be bad days. There might even be bad weeks or months. But I will never let my anxiety stop me from doing what I love. I'd rather be constantly scared and anxious while doing things and living life than be constantly scared and anxious while doing nothing. That's the hardest and most important decision that I've had to make. But I've learned that  the fear is worth it, and I don't regret a single thing.

Okay I'm posting this before I second guess myself and delete all of this.

europe part 3 | paris

Okay, okay, maybe I have an obsession with Paris. Juuuuust a little one. I love Paris so so much. This was my second time in Paris (in just a year)! I personally will never get tired of staring at La Tour Eiffel or eating macarons from Ladurée on Champs Élysées. I just love French Culture, food and language.

things I did in Paris: Musee D'Orsay, le Louvre, Champs-Élysées, Versailles (i like the gardens waaaay more than the chateau), lots and lots of shopping and lots and lots of eating bread (seriously guys, french bread is where it's at)

p.s. happy valentines day!

p.p.s. I made a tumblr, so if you want to you know check it out, here it is

europe part 2 | venezia

I think that Venice was my least favorite of the three cities that we went to. The main reason for this  is probably because my family and I were not pleased with our hotel, it was truly an awful experience. But I guess it was a blessing in disguise because we spent as much time as possible out of the hotel room, in the city! So, maybe I'm weird but Venice felt kind of post apocalyptic to me... just how the buildings are so old and there's water everywhere, it felt like the water hadn't always been there (which it has). It was cool though, very different. 

things I did in Venice: rode a gondola (!!!!), went to the guggenheim, st. marks square, went to the places that are famous for glass making** and lace (I forgot the names..), went to a real venetian mask store, and basically just walked around a ton 

**only go if you are wanting to spend thousands of dollars on glass (I didn't, it was painfully boring, my parents were very interested) side note on a side note: they are veeeeeery nice to you if you show interest in buying the glass haha they gave me and my sister little free glass things

200th post + belated blog birthday + thoughts

I was 14 when I started this blog. It seems like forever ago, probably because it was. I was only a freshman, I never thought I'd keep this blog for long. A lot can happen in two years, a lot can change. And a lot did happen, and a lot changed. IF you had told me two years ago that from 2011 to 2013 I would travel to Australia, New York, DC, Paris twice, and Italy all in two years, I probably wouldn't have believed you. 

I started this blog as a follower. I dressed the way others dressed because that was the thing to do. I wore almost exclusively J.Crew. I listened to music that was overplayed. I started this blog two years ago and somehow, between then and now, created the person that I am today. 

I can't believe it's 2013, I can't believe I'm a junior, I can't believe I'm going to college in a year and a half. All of these things are so hard to believe, but they're happening. It doesn't feel like I'm going to be seventeen in 4 months, I feel like I should still be a freshman figuring out the ropes of high school. It's strange being this age because you realize that you are the person you looked up to as a child, you're the "big kid now". And that scares me, it really does. But with the fear comes a certain sense of excitement.
And I'm ready to take it on.
After all, teenagers are invincible right?

xxx
Claire

europe part 1 | roma+firenze

Rome was such a cool city! Italians have such a rich culture and it was so fascinating to see all of these amazing sights that I had read about in textbooks and heard about all these years. I think that for me especially, being from the United States, I am always in awe of the amazing architecture of all of the buildings, many of them being older than my own country! The Vatican Museum was really cool, well actually I didn't care much for the main museum part so much as the Sistine Chapel! The Sistine Chapel was amazing, not too shabby for a guy who wasn't a painter! I think that this year was the perfect year for me to go to Italy because I'm in art history so a lot of the things that we saw I had also learned about in art history class. Saint Peters Basilica was pretty cool too, but I'm not catholic so being in the place where the Pope preaches was not really too exciting for me, great architecture though!

I also loved The Forum, which is the ancient Roman ruins. They were amazing! It was so weird to think that I was walking around structures that were there at the time of Jesus! Like W O W. I also think that ruins are just fun to look at and take pictures of.

Oh yeah, and I basically pretended I was Lizzie McGuire when I went to the Trevi fountain. I never got my hot Italian pop star boyfriend though????? Ugh, false advertising... 

things I did in Rome: trevi fountain, vatican, the forum/colosseum, pantheon, shopping (!!) + more

Guys, Florence is so pretty! Florence was definitely my favorite city in Italy that we went to. The last two pictures were from when my dad and I climbed up tons of stairs (like really, a lot) and we got to this overlook from which you could see the entire city of Florence. It was well worth it (I'm not kidding when I say there were a lot of stairs, I was winded!) and I got amazing pictures of the skyline! The best part about going up there? My sister has a hurt knee and it's hard for her to climb a lot of stairs, so she was the one who had to go paper shopping with my mom, HA! Ah I just love European architecture, it really is so sublime. 

things I did in Florence: saw the david(!), went through tons of churches and art museums, shopped more, walked throughout the city + more

xxx 

Claire 

europe through my iphone

1.) the streets of rome 2.) pantheon 3.) just chilling at the trevi fountain 4.) pasta in italy. so typical 5.) all new outfit 6.) sistine chapel (illegal photo oops?) 7.) saint peters basilica 8.) my true love 9.) view from my hotel in florence 

10.) the david (some more illegal photo taking..) 11.) the duomo * 12.) the alps maybe? view out the window from venice to amsterdam 13.) another view out the plane 14.) KLM rocks, way better then the peanuts they throw at you in the United States (yeah europe!) 15.) view out the hotel room in paris 16.) eiffel tower (just in case you couldn't tell) 17.) le bon marché 18.) macaron from ladurée, everyone needs to have one of these before they die

I always feel like I was meant for Europe. Everything there is just so... old. Not to mention everyone dresses amazing, including the guys (no athletic clothes unless, catch this, people are actually working out!!). I love it.  

This trip was definitely interesting. It was a mix of good and bad. The first 24 hours were pure awful however. Bad enough that I wanted to turn right back home and crawl into my bed and forget about the trip altogether. 

First 24 hours (home ✈ rome):

(XXX**✈JFK): There was a snowstorm where I live, we got the the airport a few hours early and were there for a few more than we expected, our plane was delayed, and then delayed and then delayed again. It was iffy if we were going to make our flight out of JFK or not but that was confirmed when we got into New York at exactly the same time our plane was scheduled to leave. We asked the people where to go to get catch our next flight which was now to Amsterdam. They told us we had to run, at this point I wasn't feeling very well and when you have to run through a huge airport under stressful conditions when you cannot run and have bad anxiety at 10:00 pm, the odds are certainly not in your favor, and they most certainly were not in mine. I was in tears at this point I wanted to go home, I felt like I was going to throw up or pass out or both.

(JFK ✈AMS): We ended up making our flight to Amsterdam, barely as we were the last people on our plane and they shut the door directly behind us. Our seats were not anywhere near each other and they were all middle seats. Luckily there were nice people who were willing to switch so my mom and I could be together and my dad and sister could too. The flight while we were in the air was pretty uneventful, besides a screaming baby and a woman whose snoring was so loud I thought the plane was breaking. When we landed however the person across the aisle from me was sick, she wasn't waking up and and she was really out of it and then she started throwing up, I literally climbed past a row of seats and pushed past a few people because I needed to get out of there, I just can't handle that stuff.

(AMS✈FCO):Amsterdam has a very nice airport, like better than any airport in the states that I've been to. Our plane ride to Rome was uneventful and generally good (cookies in economy class? another win for europe). We got to rome and waited for an hour staring at the suitcases circle through the conveyor belt again and again, other peoples suitcases, not ours. After an hour and when we were the last people in the entire baggage claim, my dad went to the service desk and asked them where our suitcases were. Well, they didn't know. Like not at all. They thought mine was in Amsterdam (spoiler alert: it wasn't). Apparently they were in New York still and so they were sent to Rome on the flight the next day. They had to wait in processing in Rome for another day so we didn't end up getting our suitcases until Christmas Eve two days later (best Christmas gift EVER) 

So that was my interesting first 24 hours of my trip accompanied with some instagrams (from my personal account). Moral of the story: DON'T FLY DELTA. the end.

Have any of you guys ever had horrible travel experiences? Tell me in the comments!

*I went to venice in between here but there was not any wifi so I didn't instagram
**for privacy