am I even the same person? a list of ways I've changed in two months

So summer 2013 was actually the most anticlimactic summer ever, am I right? Another summer came and gone, another summer that I said I would blog a lot and barely even posted once a month. But now school has started and my life is anything but boring, I'd say that stressful is a more fitting word. Oh yes, senior year has arrived and not without tests, quizzes, papers, presentations, and the oh so dreadful common app. Yes, that's right this year (this fall!) I'm applying to college. Which is only mildly terrifying. Okay.. it's actually really terrifying. A year from now I will be at college starting a new and exciting chapter in my life, but before that I have a lot of work to get done. Change is scary, but change is also exciting. And even though I haven't had life changes as big as college yet, a lot of things have happened to me since I last posted. So think of this list as an update of sorts, I guess. Here we go!

1. Well my family moved across town so that's a pretty big change. We moved to the other side of town away from my school and friends so my life has involved very little sleep and a whole lot of driving as of lately. 

2. Speaking of driving.... I got a speeding ticket yesterday... for going 76 in 60.... I really should not be able to drive. And even more fun than the terrifying experience of getting a ticket (crying/hyperventilating/panic attack happened) is the fact that I get to go to court in a few weeks because I'm under 18! Yay... just call me juvenile delinquent (probably the most ironic thing I've ever heard). No worries, I drove 55mph the whole way home. 

3. Even more shocking perhaps than me getting a speeding ticket is the fact that I got asked to homecoming (at my schools "brother school") last week. Um what? 

4. My senior year schedule is 

AP Calculus AB

AP Statistics 

Contemporary World Lit Honors 

French Regions 5

Chinese 2

Photo 3

Publication Design 

do you think I'm crazy yet? because I do...

5. I'm still unemployed (shocker..) but I do get paid to drive a freshman to and from school and I will be  getting paid to stay a week with a different freshman when her parents are on vacation. Hey I gotta find some way to fund my online shopping addiction 

6. I have an interview on Thursday for a college. Scary! I am currently in between two small liberal arts schools to apply early decision to. AH

Okay so I think that's all, I just love to document my life so then when I'm old and bored I'll have something to look back at. Just kidding I don't think I'll ever be bored...

Also I got this cool book where you write down a couple sentences every day for five years! Which means that once I finish it I'll be already graduated from college! I really hope that I can keep it up and write something in it every single day for 5 years because I think that it will be so cool (and probably pretty hilarious) to look back on these years of my life!

outfit | simple

So I'm currently sitting in Panera because the last time I had wifi was two weeks ago and I may or may not have used up all of my 3G for the month. Basically I'm like every other teenager and have developed a dependency on the internet. I literally have found myself going crazy without access to email, twitter, blogger, and especially instagram, I'm obsessed okay? I've never realized just how much time I spend distracting myself. I like to be busy and between two twitters, four instagrams, facebook, a blog and other things like school and photography I think I accomplish that. But so much of this "busy" comes from the internet that I have had so much time lately. I'm bored. Like the kind of bored where you try to go to bed at 11pm and wake up at 11am just so you only have to be awake for 12 hours. I mean I took a glassblowing class, saw imagine dragons in concert (!!! post on that soon!!!), read one of my summer reading books but in-between those things there is not too much to do. Oh, and I moved, that is why all of this is happening and why I haven't had wifi. House number six and I'm not even 18, weird huh?

Well I've been sitting in Panera for almost 2 hours, and I can't tell if the weird looks I'm getting from the staff are because I've been here so long after I've finished eating or if it's just my imagination. But thank you Panera for having free wifi, free wifi is great. 

Now that I've said my fill about Panera and my lack of wifi, can we talk about my shoes? I got these wedges for $50 on sale when they were originally $90. For the longest time I couldn't decide if I wanted to buy them because I never know how often I'll actually wear heels. Well I obviously bought them and they are obviously gorgeous and sometimes I do enjoy being over 6 feet tall (I'm 5'9" without heels). Who cares if I have to put bandaids on some of my toes before I wear them, fashion before comfort....right? 

Well I've been sitting here for over two hours now and I just looked up how many calories were in my salad that I ate. There were 530 calories, oh Panera I am now scared of you and your sneakily high calorie counts. So I'm going to try and pry my sister away from her computer and go home so I can go run or something. Its even sunny outside which is a pleasant surprise compared this mornings rainy grey skies. Sorry this post is so ramble-y, lack of wifi does strange strange things to me.

Hope your day is fabulous! 

food | pick me up

Okay, so today has not been good by any stretch, starting with me waking up naturally at 7am (who am I? don't worry I stayed in bed for a good two hours after..) and then a horrible workout and general lack of motivation. It turned out that I was going to be home alone with nothing to do for the entire afternoon, and after a fun little trip to whole foods yesterday, I decided that since I had a bunch of food at my house I would find something to make. And behold healthy homemade chocolate:

Yeah, this stuff is pretty good. It doesn't help that it photographs extremely well. And it's only 4 ingredients (+sea salt). But really, can someone tell me how I've gone this far without knowing I could make my own chocolate (easily)? Bad day turned good? I guess you could say so! 

Okay, so I'm sure you're all dying for the recipe, or maybe not but hey it's chocolate and I have met very few people who dislike chocolate...

4 tbsp coconut oil

4 tbsp cocoa powder 

1 tsp honey 

coconut milk to preference (I just added it because the mix was so thick)

whatever toppings you want, I used sea salt (optional)

recipe from here

And then just scoop it on to a cookie sheet (or plate really) with parchment paper and pop it into the freezer for about 30 minutes! Cut it up in to pieces using a sharp knife and then put back into the freezer and then eat it whenever you want chocolate because this chocolate is healthy, or at least that's what I'm telling myself... But hey, you know exactly what's in it and that's one step up from a chocolate bar in the store! 

I don't know when I decided to become a food blog, but this post seems to have cured my bad day and photography block so hey, maybe it isn't so bad to switch it up every once in a while.

quick little post

not sure when google friend connect shuts down, but before then you best follow me on bloglovin!! i'll buy you all pretty dresses from zara (or not but it's the thought that counts, right?)

outfit | red hot

shirt - H&M // shorts + sunglasses - urban outfitters // shoes - converse // purse - marc jacobs 

Guys, check out these shorts, I seriously think I'm in love. Also with the shoes, shirt, and sunglasses but hey it's good to love all of your clothes right? So the other day while my car was getting an oil change I went shopping with my mom and sister. I was in urban outfitters because I just always like to look around there because they have really cute clothes, I went up to the sale which has things that are more in my price range and started searching through the racks of clothes. Originally I wasn't drawn to these shorts because I already have so many other colored shorts and I really need just plain jean shorts. But then I saw these in this color and also a nice light blue/mint color, and well I picked out what I thought was my size (please tell me I am not the only one who has trouble with pant sizes that aren't 2,4,6,8 etc.) and tried them on. Well this story is getting dragged on a bit too much, but in short they're really comfy and just the right amount high waisted and were only $20 instead of $50. So naturally I bought two pairs. Yeah, you could say shopping is a problem of mine. 

Speaking of, Zara is having a sale currently and someone really needs to block that website off my computer because I could do some serious damage... (but seriously look at these shoes!!)

On a totally unrelated side note, I saw my first R rated movie today since turning 17! I saw the bling ring, I actually thought that it was really good, funny, and well put together. I would recommend it especially if you have seen pretty wild. Emma Watson was so hilariously stupid in it, I love her, she's such a great actress! 

thoughts | junior year

I'd say this photo accurately sums up my junior year (+ more books).

I can't believe junior year is over! And I certainly can't believe I only have one more year of school until college! Well, all of the things said about junior year being busy, stressful, and sleepless were in fact, quite true. But I survived. Junior year was definitely the hardest but it was also the most rewarding. I genuinely liked all of my classes and also tried my hardest which I think was reflected in my grades and scores. Nothing like the fast approaching and competitive college admission process to motivate you! 

To anyone going in to their junior year this fall: good luck, you can do it! 

Junior year in numbers:

6 classes (+ 3 arts/electives)

0.91 change in my GPA (up, not down)

1 SAT

3 ACT's 

2 SAT subject tests

1 college essay draft written

Now that junior year is over, the blog hiatus is also over! I promise I will not keep disappearing for long amounts of time like I did way too many times this year. Here's to summer and more posting! I'm almost at 100 followers which is also super exciting! 

updates | i'm taking a bloging break... again...

Okay, so I need to take a quick little break from this little blog of mine over here because this next month is going to be crazy. If you've been through junior year you'll definitely (hopefully?) understand. I have 3 weeks of classes, 3 finals, 2 subject tests, and one ACT in between me and summer. So many tests SO LITTLE TIME. I really shouldn't even be making this blog post right now but let's be honest this is a lot more fun than studying for my french test tomorrow. School is slowly (but surely) taking over my life. Summer cannot come fast enough (actually I need more time to study for the ACT... conflicted) and I can't believe it's less than a month until the seniors graduate and then I'm a senior in my last year of high school. AH!

Well, I'll be back on June 16 after a week long beach vacation to de-stress from my final month of junior year! Get ready for lots of posts because I will have free time (what a novel concept)! New clothes! New posts! New pictures! Oh my!

style || four eyes are better than two (sometimes)

1 // 2

1 // 2

1

Hey guys! 

I don't know how many of you know this, but I wear contacts. I used to have glasses but I never liked them much and I hated how I looked in them so I never wear them (6th grade Claire had bad taste.. shocker?). Recently, though I have really been wanting glasses because wearing contacts from 7AM to 11 or 12PM really dries out my eyes. I had heard about Warby Parker through tons of people and I decided to check out their website. 

1.) I really liked a lot of their frames 

2.) I love that they have a home try on (you can get your 5 favorite pairs sent to your house for 5 days for free to try them on)

3.) And the best part? They're only $95! 

Yeah, you read that right, all five of these glasses are only $95 (each) and that's including lenses. I don't know how many of you wear glasses, but $95 for a pair of frames and lenses is insanely cheap! (My mom is very happy about the price tag since, um, I normally pick out glasses a couple hundred dollars pricier than these, that she wouldn't even think about buying for me)

 I hope that the quality will be good too, since everything has been good thus far! 

So, quick question, which one of these frames do you think I should get? Comment, tweet me, or comment on my instagram, I don't care! I already have an idea of which ones I want to get, but I want feedback! 

yay glasses! (never thought I'd be saying that!)

right now | april 2013

reading // their eyes were watching god, for school

listening to // imagine dragons + bastille + florence+the machine + walk the moon

wishing // if only i had more time to do things i love 

thinking // how great would it be if it was summer now?

doing // homework, as always, oh and ACT prep too

dreading // ACT next saturday 

trying // to workout more 

looking forward to // the great gatsby movie, summer, imagine dragons concert

news // i'm moving 

updates | here's to new starts

I thought it was time for a little freshening up in my little corner of the internet. I'm hopeless with html and css, so not too much has changed, but hey I like the new look! I deleted 167 of my posts, only saving my favorites. I changed my header and made other little changes in the layout (it took forever). So heres to new and fresh starts without completely leaving the old behind! 

+ I think that I'm soon going to start filming videos to incorporate here!

books | favorites+movie adaptations

So I realized that I've never talked on here about all the books I read! I just recently got in to young adult novels a little over a year ago (is that even recent? who knows) when I was introduced (via this post) to The Fault in Our Stars and John Green. Little did I know that in the next year I would read a total of over 20 books or that TFiOS would be the start of my John Green obsession. I figured that since I love reading I might as well share my favorite books with you all! And it just so happens that all my faves are begin turned into movies (+ a tv show) within the next few years, so I'll talk about that too!

1.) The Fault in Our Stars, John Green -- I love love love this book, I read it shortly after it came out and since then I may have developed an obsession with him, but you know, it's casual. This is my favorite of his books, and it is just so beautifully written and I love both of the main characters. The one thing I don't like about this book is that it has become waaaaay over publicized and it is literally everywhere. I'm not too keen on a movie for this book either just because I feel like the writing style is just so good and that's part of what makes TFiOS such a good book. Also Shailene Woodley has been cast as Hazel (one of the main characters/the narrator) and I really really really don't like that, I don't know she's just not how I pictured Hazel at all! I'm interested in seeing how the movie will turn out, but I definitely think that the book will be better (as they always are)! 

2.) The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald -- Okay so Gatsby was actually a book that I read for school, but I just loved it so much! I liked this book in a way that I have never liked any other book from school, and I actually just read the whole book in one sitting (and then had no english homework for like two weeks, ha!) I got so into it. I am super super excited for this movie, which comes out on May 10 in the United States, I literally cannot wait! The costuming + set + videography just look absolutely amazing! I love how Gatsby is a classic read but still so relevant and not at all hard to read! 

3.) The Delirium Trilogy, Lauren Oliver -- These books were recommended to me by a friend, and I am so incredibly glad that she recommended them for me to read, they are amazing! These books are set in somewhat of an alternate present where love is treated like a disease, which I thought was a super interesting premise for a book! I really fell in love with the love interest of the main character, and I literally found it impossible to put these books down (but then again, I read most books within a days time..). The ending of the last book was a complete cliffhanger that made me seriously wish that there would be more books coming out, but sadly there are only three. Delirium is being turned into a tv show (on fox I think?) and I believe that they just started filming! I don't know how I feel about the casting/plot because they changed a lot of things but we'll see! 

4.) The Insurgent Trilogy, Veronica Roth -- These books were also recommended to me by a friend and they were definitely another good recommendation! These books are set in a sort of post apocalyptic setting where everyone is divided up into five "factions" based on their personalities, I'm not going to say much more because I don't want to spoil anything but I will say that there is a relationship that literally melts my heart because I am (again) in love with the love interest of the main character. I am super excited for the third book which comes out in October this year and the movie which comes out spring 2014! Shailene Woodley plays the main character (not too pleased about that) but I think that the movie has a lot of potential to be good! 

5.) The Host, Stephanie Meyer -- Okay, I do not like vampires and I most certainly never was in to the whole Twilight saga, but I think it dumb to not read a book because of the author and I'm really glad I read this. This book is sci-fi and romance and it has the perfect mix of both. There's a love square (?) and it's just very complicated to explain, so you all should read the book! It's quite long (600+ pages) but I found that after the first 100 pages it went really quick and I finished it within two days! The movie comes out March 29 (Friday)! I am so excited to see it, I love the cast (Saiorse Ronan + Jake Abel + Max Irons + Diane Kruger, um yes!) and from all the trailers it looks like it will be amazing! 

So those are some of my favorite books currently and I wish I could tell you about every book on my bookshelf, but that would take me ages! I strongly suggest that you read one/some/all of these books! And if you've already read any of these books tell me in the comments what you thought! 

life | anxiety + ocd

This post is a hard one to write. I've been mentally "writing" it for ages, but I just could never find the words. I've deleted many drafts and rewritten many sentences. I've let it sit in my drafts for ages.  I wasn't sure for a while if I even wanted to talk about all of this stuff that so many of the people in my life don't even know about. Why I chose to write about things I haven't even told to my friends, to strangers on the internet, I don't know. But I guess this blog is a diary of sorts, and I want to be real. I feel like so many people hide behind the screen making it seem like their life is all fun and happy when in reality it's not. I don't want to be one of those people. That's why today I want to talk about my mental disorders and life with them. I'm not doing this for pity, I'm not doing this for attention, I'm not insane. I'm not doing this because of any of those things, but I'm doing this because I hope that my story can help others because other's stories have helped me. Even if I make just one person feel like they're not alone, that will be a success.

At around age six or seven I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety (GAD) and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). For those of you who don't know what either of those mean I found some definitions online:

"Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by chronic feelings of excessive worry and anxiety without a specific cause. Individuals with generalized anxiety disorder often feel on edge, tense, and jittery. Someone with generalized anxiety disorder may worry about minor things, daily events, or the future. These feelings are accompanied by physical complaints such as elevated blood pressure, increased heart rate, muscle tension, sweating, and shaking."

"Obsessive compulsive disorder is characterized by persistent, intrusive, and senseless thoughts (obsessions) or compulsions to perform repetitive behaviors that interfere with normal functioning."

I can't remember a time without anxiety. As sad as that sounds it's true. GAD is just anxiety about everything. OCD is more specific, my OCD revolves around a specific phobia of throwing up (emetphopia). To me throwing up is the worst thing that could ever happen to me and in my mind it seems completely justifiable to do anything that will prevent me from throwing up. 

I'm not going to sugar coat it, GAD and OCD suck. I have constant anxiety throughout the day and I get horrible stomachaches and headaches because of it. There are days that I don't want to get out of bed because I am so exhausted from all the worry. There are times where I will stay home instead of hanging out with friends because I have a bad stomach ache. It's all in my head, but it's all so real. That's the thing about mental disorders, it's in your head so most of the time others just can't understand.

No, I can't "snap out of it". I can't "become less OCD". I can't just "calm down". It's not that easy. I know I will be "made fun of for the rest of my life if I stay this way".  I sometimes wish that people could get inside my mind and realize that I did not choose to be this way, that I'm not having a panic attack to get attention. I don't get any joy from this, actually when I'm having a panic attack I'd rather just be left alone and not told to "stop freaking out", newsflash: you're not helping. Mental disorders are real, they're not made up, my stomachaches and headaches and fear aren't any less real than if they weren't anxiety induced.

I guess I've learned over the years how to deal with all this. More or less. I mean I'm better than when I was 7. I'll always be learning how to handle all the anxiety as it manifests itself in different ways as I get older. There will always be bad days. There might even be bad weeks or months. But I will never let my anxiety stop me from doing what I love. I'd rather be constantly scared and anxious while doing things and living life than be constantly scared and anxious while doing nothing. That's the hardest and most important decision that I've had to make. But I've learned that  the fear is worth it, and I don't regret a single thing.

Okay I'm posting this before I second guess myself and delete all of this.

europe part 3 | paris

Okay, okay, maybe I have an obsession with Paris. Juuuuust a little one. I love Paris so so much. This was my second time in Paris (in just a year)! I personally will never get tired of staring at La Tour Eiffel or eating macarons from Ladurée on Champs Élysées. I just love French Culture, food and language.

things I did in Paris: Musee D'Orsay, le Louvre, Champs-Élysées, Versailles (i like the gardens waaaay more than the chateau), lots and lots of shopping and lots and lots of eating bread (seriously guys, french bread is where it's at)

p.s. happy valentines day!

p.p.s. I made a tumblr, so if you want to you know check it out, here it is

europe part 2 | venezia

I think that Venice was my least favorite of the three cities that we went to. The main reason for this  is probably because my family and I were not pleased with our hotel, it was truly an awful experience. But I guess it was a blessing in disguise because we spent as much time as possible out of the hotel room, in the city! So, maybe I'm weird but Venice felt kind of post apocalyptic to me... just how the buildings are so old and there's water everywhere, it felt like the water hadn't always been there (which it has). It was cool though, very different. 

things I did in Venice: rode a gondola (!!!!), went to the guggenheim, st. marks square, went to the places that are famous for glass making** and lace (I forgot the names..), went to a real venetian mask store, and basically just walked around a ton 

**only go if you are wanting to spend thousands of dollars on glass (I didn't, it was painfully boring, my parents were very interested) side note on a side note: they are veeeeeery nice to you if you show interest in buying the glass haha they gave me and my sister little free glass things

200th post + belated blog birthday + thoughts

I was 14 when I started this blog. It seems like forever ago, probably because it was. I was only a freshman, I never thought I'd keep this blog for long. A lot can happen in two years, a lot can change. And a lot did happen, and a lot changed. IF you had told me two years ago that from 2011 to 2013 I would travel to Australia, New York, DC, Paris twice, and Italy all in two years, I probably wouldn't have believed you. 

I started this blog as a follower. I dressed the way others dressed because that was the thing to do. I wore almost exclusively J.Crew. I listened to music that was overplayed. I started this blog two years ago and somehow, between then and now, created the person that I am today. 

I can't believe it's 2013, I can't believe I'm a junior, I can't believe I'm going to college in a year and a half. All of these things are so hard to believe, but they're happening. It doesn't feel like I'm going to be seventeen in 4 months, I feel like I should still be a freshman figuring out the ropes of high school. It's strange being this age because you realize that you are the person you looked up to as a child, you're the "big kid now". And that scares me, it really does. But with the fear comes a certain sense of excitement.
And I'm ready to take it on.
After all, teenagers are invincible right?

xxx
Claire

europe part 1 | roma+firenze

Rome was such a cool city! Italians have such a rich culture and it was so fascinating to see all of these amazing sights that I had read about in textbooks and heard about all these years. I think that for me especially, being from the United States, I am always in awe of the amazing architecture of all of the buildings, many of them being older than my own country! The Vatican Museum was really cool, well actually I didn't care much for the main museum part so much as the Sistine Chapel! The Sistine Chapel was amazing, not too shabby for a guy who wasn't a painter! I think that this year was the perfect year for me to go to Italy because I'm in art history so a lot of the things that we saw I had also learned about in art history class. Saint Peters Basilica was pretty cool too, but I'm not catholic so being in the place where the Pope preaches was not really too exciting for me, great architecture though!

I also loved The Forum, which is the ancient Roman ruins. They were amazing! It was so weird to think that I was walking around structures that were there at the time of Jesus! Like W O W. I also think that ruins are just fun to look at and take pictures of.

Oh yeah, and I basically pretended I was Lizzie McGuire when I went to the Trevi fountain. I never got my hot Italian pop star boyfriend though????? Ugh, false advertising... 

things I did in Rome: trevi fountain, vatican, the forum/colosseum, pantheon, shopping (!!) + more

Guys, Florence is so pretty! Florence was definitely my favorite city in Italy that we went to. The last two pictures were from when my dad and I climbed up tons of stairs (like really, a lot) and we got to this overlook from which you could see the entire city of Florence. It was well worth it (I'm not kidding when I say there were a lot of stairs, I was winded!) and I got amazing pictures of the skyline! The best part about going up there? My sister has a hurt knee and it's hard for her to climb a lot of stairs, so she was the one who had to go paper shopping with my mom, HA! Ah I just love European architecture, it really is so sublime. 

things I did in Florence: saw the david(!), went through tons of churches and art museums, shopped more, walked throughout the city + more

xxx 

Claire